Don’t Watch This.

A review of the 1983 film “DEATHSTALKER”, where a muscle clad, wig wearing hero must retrieve a magical sword, amulet and chalice from the evil Boy George wannabe, all the while fending off thugs and naked women.

A review of the 2007 ABC FAMILY movie “Holiday In Handcuffs”, where a bad luck waitress gets dumped by boyfriend right before Christmas and decides to kidnap another to pose as her boyfriend in hopes of not disappointing her parents.

A review of the 2007 Asylum film “Alien Vs. Hunter” where a group of average people in a small town with no vehicles, get caught up in the middle of a hunt between an alien spider and a robotic looking…

A review of the 2007 Asylum film “Invasion of the Pod People”, where workers of a Model Agency start receiving a weird looking plant and people start changing into sex driven copies of themselves, leaving it up to one worker…

A review of the 2011 Asylum film “Zombie Apocalypse” where a cliche group of survivors must go through zombie infected Los Angeles on their way to a ferry that will take them to the last safe island.

A review of the 2011 Asylum film “2012: Ice Age” where a family must race to New York City to save their daughter before a gigantic glacier destroys the city a flurish of bad CGI and special effects.

A review of the 1988 cult classic “Killer Klowns From Outerspace”, where a race of alien clowns attack a small town in California and turn people into cotton candy.

A review of the 1982 horror movie “Oasis of the Zombies”, where a son follows in his father’s footsteps to find a convoy of lost gold protected by a group of Nazi Zombies.

A review of the 1987 horror movie “The Gate”, where a gateway to the underworld opens up in the backyard of a house only to force the home alone kids into finding a way to close it.